Isn’t it interesting how some people find love so easily? Like, they just exist, breathe, go about their lives, and—boom—they’re paired up for life. It’s effortless, automatic, like some cosmic force just hands them a relationship on a silver platter.
I’ve always found it annoying.
Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but seriously—why do some people have it so easy while others (hi, it’s me) struggle? Why is it that some people just seem to be built for love, while others fumble their way through situationships, ghosting, and endless cycles of miscommunication?
For the longest time, I thought it was just bad luck. Like maybe some people are just born with a golden ticket to romantic success while the rest of us get stuck in the cheap seats, watching it all happen from afar. But the more I live, the more I learn, and there’s so much more that goes into it.
It’s not just luck.
It’s not just timing.
It’s attachment styles.
I’ve been diving deep into Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and let me tell you—this book is rewiring my brain in real-time. It’s fascinating. It’s infuriating. It’s answering questions I didn’t even know I had. And, of course, it’s making me reflect (maybe overly reflect) on why love has always felt so complicated for me.
Why Some People Find Love More Easily
People with secure attachment styles are the golden children of relationships. They’re emotionally stable, communicate well, and don’t panic when someone takes an hour to text back. They trust. They set boundaries. They choose partners who are also secure, which means they don’t get caught up in the same emotional rollercoasters that the rest of us do. They’re not constantly second-guessing themselves or spiraling over mixed signals.
And guess what? That makes finding love so much easier.
They don’t waste time on emotionally unavailable people. They don’t feel the need to fix anyone or prove their worth. They see relationships as something natural and supportive, not as a battlefield where they have to fight for attention.
Meanwhile, those of us with anxious or avoidant attachment styles are out here trying to navigate dating like it’s a minefield.
- Anxiously attached people (hi, again) tend to overthink, over-attach, and seek constant reassurance. We crave connection, but we also fear rejection so much that we sometimes push people away in the process.
- Avoidantly attached people are the opposite. They crave independence, keep people at arm’s length, and tend to shut down when things start to feel too real.
- And if you’re both anxious and avoidant? Well, congratulations—you’ve unlocked a whole new level of romantic chaos.
The frustrating part? We don’t even realize we’re doing it. It’s wired into us from childhood, based on how our earliest caregivers responded to our needs. So while securely attached people go about their lives effortlessly forming healthy relationships, the rest of us are out here playing emotional chess, wondering why nothing ever works out the way we want it to.
So… What Now?
Reading this book has made me realize something important: just because I’ve struggled in the past doesn’t mean I’m doomed forever.
Attachment styles aren’t a life sentence. They can be worked on, unlearned, reshaped. The first step is recognizing the patterns—why I’ve chased, why I’ve clung, why I’ve been drawn to people who were emotionally unavailable. The second step? Learning how to do it differently.
That’s where I’m at right now. A work in progress, figuring it out as I go.
So maybe love isn’t about luck after all. Maybe it’s about awareness. About breaking old cycles, choosing better, and trusting that the right person will meet you where you are—without games, without mixed signals, without the emotional exhaustion.
Leave a comment