From Here to Better

I’ve always hated feeling out of control.

If I didn’t make something happen, I’d be forgotten. If I didn’t try to fix things, they’d fall apart. If I didn’t hold on, everything would slip away.

Or at least, that’s what I used to believe.

But the truth is, control is an illusion. No matter how much you try to hold on to something—or someone—if they don’t want to be there, they won’t be.

And that’s where the let them theory comes in.

I recently started reading The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, and let me tell you—this book hit me in ways I wasn’t expecting. The entire premise is simple but powerful: let them. Let people do what they want to do. Let them make their own choices. Let them show you who they are. And most importantly, let go of the idea that you can control it.

When something hurts, it rises up again and again. The thoughts creep in. The overthinking starts. I catch myself replaying moments, looking for the exact second things went off the rails. I wonder what I did wrong. I wonder if I could have done something differently. But when those thoughts come, I remind myself:

Let them.

Let them ghost me.
Let them disappear.
Let them show me exactly who they are.

I used to fight against that reality. I used to hate the idea of letting things be—I wanted explanations, clarity, closure. I wanted control. But the more I tried to grasp onto things that weren’t mine to hold, the more anxious and exhausted I became.

Because people will do what they want to do. They will make their own choices, and nothing I say or do will change that.

So why spend my energy trying to hold onto something that isn’t holding onto me?

That applies to love, to work, to friendships, to every situation that led me here—writing this blog, changing my mindset, shifting my focus.

I used to believe that if I just tried harder, I could fix things. That if I showed my worth, people would see it. That if I made enough effort, people would stay. But that’s not how it works. You can’t convince someone to care. You can’t force someone to stay. You can’t control how someone treats you.

But you can control what you accept.

So now, instead of asking, why are they doing this? I ask, why would I want to be with someone who does this to me?

Instead of grasping for answers, I focus on processing my emotions and surrounding myself with people who treat me with respect.

And every time I feel the need to overthink, to chase, to control—I take a deep breath and remind myself:

Let them.

Let them go. Let them walk away. Let them make their own choices.

Because the people who are meant to be in my life? I won’t have to convince them to stay.

Mel Robbins put this concept into words so perfectly, and I think it’s something I’ve needed to hear for a long time.

Here’s to letting go. Here’s to trusting the process. Here’s to better.