From Here to Better

Right now, I want to focus on my daughter and myself. I want to live a life where I am happy—not just getting by, not just checking off the boxes, but truly happy. I want to have adventures, whether with friends or solo. I want to enjoy, to thrive, to feel alive.

I want to wake up excited for my day, not weighed down by unnecessary worries. I want to feel strong—physically, mentally, emotionally. I want to know that I can handle whatever life throws at me, that I am capable, that I am enough. And every day, I am taking steps toward that.

And it feels so good.

One of the biggest shifts I’ve made? I’ve been going to the gym consistently five times a week—for the first time in twenty years. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I never thought I’d be that person—the one who actually enjoys working out—but here we are. It keeps me positive, keeps me grounded, and helps me feel like the strongest version of myself. The difference in my mindset is undeniable. My anxiety is quieter, my energy is higher, and for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like I’m carrying a storm cloud above my head.

I am thriving. I am healing. And I feel good.

But it took a long time to get here.

For so many years, I was focused on everything else—relationships, finding the one, worrying about what I thought my life should look like. I spent so much time trying to make others happy, trying to prove my worth, that I completely lost sight of myself. I never took the time to sit with my own thoughts, to check in with myself, to ask what I actually wanted. And if I did? I distracted myself before I could answer.

I’ve read more books in the last month than I probably have in the last five years. I’ve learned more about myself in four weeks than I have in a decade. And you know what’s crazy? I never made time for self-reflection before. I was always running—from my own thoughts, from my own emotions, from things I wasn’t ready to face.

For the last ten years, I was a Negative Nancy without even realizing it. I thought I was this fun, confident, carefree person. But in hindsight, I see it so clearly now—I was sad, I was stuck, and I was scared of change.

I convinced myself that being “unapologetically me” meant I didn’t need to change. That my sarcasm, my bluntness, my walls were just part of my personality. But now? I see it differently. That wasn’t me being myself. That was me protecting myself.

I was so afraid of being vulnerable, so afraid of getting hurt, that I built up walls and called it authenticity. But here’s the thing about walls: they don’t just keep people out.

They keep you in.

And when you never let yourself grow, when you refuse to let yourself change, you become trapped in the same version of yourself you were years ago.

I never wanted to spend time alone with my thoughts, so I filled my life with distractions—people, plans, constant noise—just so I wouldn’t have to sit in my own head. And where did that get me?

Nowhere.

I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I spent so much time trying to live the life I thought I should, instead of the life I actually wanted. And honestly? Isn’t that what so many people do?

I feel like that’s a theme in today’s world. We try so hard to fit the mold, to follow the path we think we’re supposed to follow—career, relationship, white picket fence, perfect friend group. But why?

I thought I wanted the perfect love story. I thought I wanted the picture-perfect future.

But now I see it for what it really was—I wanted those things because I thought they were supposed to make me happy.

The truth? Very few people actually get that “perfect” life. And honestly, I don’t even think I want it.

I’m not being pessimistic. I’m being real.

I don’t need a storybook romance. I don’t need a perfectly curated future. I don’t need to fit into a mold that doesn’t serve me.

What I need is peace. What I need is joy. What I need is to wake up every day and love the life I’m living, regardless of what it looks like on paper.

And for the first time in a long time? I actually do.

I have loved having this space to process my thoughts, to track my progress, to just let it all out. Sometimes you just need a listening ear, right? For the longest time, I was floundering, drowning in my own worries, but I didn’t have anywhere to put them. Then the ghosting happened. And suddenly, I had all this space—this silence—to finally hear my own thoughts.

I had been told about the benefits of journaling, but I never quite took the plunge. It seemed silly to me. How could writing things down actually help?

But oh my, oh my, was I wrong.

This space has been a gift. It’s helped me put everything into perspective. It’s helped me realize how much my mindset is shifting. And it’s helped me see—really see—how much I’ve changed in such a short time.

The biggest shift? My thoughts no longer control me. I no longer spiral. I no longer overthink every little thing. I have learned how to switch off the doubt and realign my thoughts into something positive.

That’s not something I ever thought I’d be able to do.

For years, I was stuck in a loop—waiting for something to change, waiting for the perfect relationship, waiting for the right moment. But nothing changes unless you change it.

And that’s what I’m doing.

I am no longer running from myself. I am no longer waiting for something or someone else to change my life. I am changing it.

I am finally showing up for me.

I am a work in progress.

But my oh my, am I headed in the right direction.

Here’s to growth. Here’s to change. Here’s to better.